you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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