lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
