Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
