I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
