Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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