I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
