omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
