just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
