he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
