we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
