Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
