He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
