I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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