Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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