He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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