White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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