I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
