Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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