My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
