What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
