Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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