How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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