i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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