So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
