Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
