Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
