He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
