The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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