Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
