you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
