is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
