your room smells of hookers.
And success
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So vagazzling was a success
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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