The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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