I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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