May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
