i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
