Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
