it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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