I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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