There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
