that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
