Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I will pee on everything he values.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
