I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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