i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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