My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
