anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
