we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
