Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize