had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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