I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
