We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
