I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
