so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
