she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
