It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
