remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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