He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
