So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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