low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
