I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We have started to decorate penises.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
