i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
