i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
