im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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