Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
