He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
