I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
