I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
