please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
