my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He felt like a one man threesome
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
